"i lie in bed and tell myself stories. they might not add up to much, but as long as i'm inside of them, they prevent me of thinking about things i would prefer to forget. concentration can be a problem, however, and more often than not my mind eventually drifts away from the story i'm trying to tell to the things i don't want to think about. there's nothing to be done. ...."
nature makes me so happy - it always makes me feel really calm and happy inside. i love the moment when the silence of the nature turns into a huge soundscape of winds in the leafs, bees dancing around flowers, birds singing and even your own sounds of breathing becomes part of the whole. its great because first its really quite... or you think its really quite... but then slowly one sound after the other adds up. you think there is nothing but there is so much. its a nice experience.
i am happy to say that last night was the first night since weeks that i could sleep. i suffered strong insomnia lately. every evening i was a bit afraid to lay down as my mind was drifting constantly to the things i didn't want to think about. i would sleep an hour or two but then be waken by thoughts and feelings of the past.
i could not lay still. all i wanted to do was to be in constant movement. its easy to not think if you walk and i walked so much the past weeks.
here its different. its nice to be still.
and last night i slept for hours and hours.
i am staying here outside of stockholm on a small island in a wonderful house (almost like a moomin house) with my great friend tali and her dog mia.
today i will clean the boat and then this afternoon i would like to take tali out a bit on the lake...